Take the Leap.

What if.

What ifs sometimes bring us from bad times to good times. What if I hadn’t have made that bad decision? What if I had chosen differently? Those are often the what ifs we think about.

Today, I have been filled with positive what ifs.

What if I hadn’t made the decision to pursue photography? How did I ever believe that I could do something I barely had any knowledge of.

What if I had never taken that first wedding client?

What if I actually gave up when I thought about giving up?

I am so happy that I took the leap. That I tried something I never even imagined trying. I am so happy that I believed in myself.

Following my dreams has been sooooo hard lately.

We’ve gone to the grocery store, filled up our cart, then asked which one of us was paying for it, resulting in having to put some items back on the shelves, and praying our payment gets accepted at the checkout.

I have feared losing my house because we didn’t know where money to pay our mortgage would come from.

The electric company literally came and posted a sign on my door to tell me they were close to turning our electricity off.

I probably have $100-$200 in overdraft fees each month.

I have sobbed. I have mourned my old life where although my situation sucked, I had enough money and didn’t have to do without.

I have questioned why I quit my full time, good paying job, to get a part time job I adore and love with all my heart and to pursue entrepreneurship, but where money is never guaranteed and the hustle game is strong.

But this is why. This feeling of joy. This feeling of coming out of the fog. I know it will still be a struggle. I know that we’re not out of the park yet. But there is light at the end of the tunnel and I’m running towards it.

Take the leap, friends. It’s scary. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. But do it anyway.


La Rae

Just babies.

No, I didn’t imply there are those on the way.

What I mean is, look at these two.


Just babies.

No idea what was in store for them. No idea that their world would be turned upside down in just a matter of years.

Life is so hard. As Taylor Swift says, Life makes love look hard. Love isn’t hard, life is hard. But sometimes it takes love down with it.

Life doesn’t care if you just got married. Life sets you on the path you were meant to be on with no regard for your feelings.

So here we are now.


Not babies anymore. Adults who have had a really hard couple of years. We are older, maybe wiser. Tougher, less hopeful. We are weary.

Sometimes it’s hard to keep the faith, ya know?

But we dig our nails into it to keep it here.

Because to not go crazy, you just have to keep believing.


Today, I don’t feel beautiful.

Today, I don’t feel exceptional.

I feel broken + lost


trapped beneath the surface.

I feel hopeless.

I feel bland.


I feel despair.

I feel fear

so much fear.

I feel desperate.

I feel tattered


The road less traveled has left me bruised, scraped, thorns in my feet.

So I make a crown

with these thorns

and carry on.



It’s a word that most people associate with this present moment. We all know when something is unsafe. Usually, it’s a glaring problem, one that is very noticeable. Fire. Burglar. Car accident.

But this week, I realized that I have felt unsafe my whole life without knowing it, and this has really affected my life.

Growing up, I felt it was unsafe to be myself in school and at home. I was bullied at daycare, at school, and being such an old soul, I think my parents didn’t really know how to handle me. But I did know that I was safe when I was being extraordinary. I started singing solos at church when I was only 5-that was extraordinary. I got really good grades-that was extraordinary. I did extraordinary things to keep myself safe-to make my teachers and parents like me, even though I wasn’t like them. This was a safe way to be different, but if I acted different in any other way-I didn’t feel so safe.

This way of living made me depressed. I started to cut myself when I was in the 8th grade. I would sit in my room and cry and sing to Evanescence. But it was unsafe for me to be depressed, so I pretended that I wasn’t. But then it all got too much for me to bear, so I pleaded with my mom to send me to therapy. But she didn’t. So I kept being depressed and it led to so many emotional issues that I am obviously still trying to work out as a 27 year old.

It was unsafe for me to leave the Christian faith at 14 and do what was right for me, which was being openly Pagan. I got kicked out of my house (just for one day, but the unsafety scarred me deeply), and even when planning my wedding, I was told I was going to hell.


I was sexually assaulted twice in my life-the first time I was very young and working as an Ebay lister down the street. Some older guy worked in the furniture store portion of the business, and I had a crush on him. One day, he attempted to get my pants off and I freaked out, but I liked the guy, so I didn’t know how to say no. I don’t remember how I said no, but I know this situation scarred me, as any sexual assault would scar a young girl.


I was sexually assaulted again at 17 when a series of bad decisions led me to a party with a group of people I’d been friends with for about 4 years. After some crazy things happened, I decided to avoid drama by staying with the couple whose apartment we were at. Then the guy proceeded to sexually assault me.


I can’t speak for all women, but I do believe that women probably feel unsafe much more than men do because many times, we are at the will of the men around. They can hurt us at any time-we must do and say things to keep ourselves safe. *I know this is a generalization, but please consider this truth in your own life*

So here I am, just now realizing how unsafe I’ve felt my whole life, and realizing how it has sooooo dramatically affected my life without me even knowing it. It’s affected my relationships with everyone, especially my husband.

Since having this realization, I have been using mantras that start with “It is safe for me….” which has definitely helped me. Even when something doesn’t really make sense, I am using the mantra because feeling unsafe has permeated through my whole life. So even things like “It is safe for me to go to yoga,” or “It is safe for me to nourish my body,” have been making a huge difference to me.

And feeling safe is a huge part of TRUST. Which is my word for 2016. Learning to Trust has definitely shown me that I haven’t felt safe, but now that I am aware of the unsafety and showing myself that life is safe, I can more fully TRUST my path.l034

Sending you big love on your journey in this life. <3 I am with you on this path, and I honor your path.

La Rae

Why LOVE Really IS the Answer

Do you want to know what the answer is to all of life’s questions?

Love. It was, is, and always will be the answer. No matter how complicated a problem seems, the answer is simply love.

Do you want to know WHY this is? Let me tell you.

Everything has energy, a vibration. Every thought, every word, every action. This is how things like the Law of Attraction and Karma work. They are based on vibrations throughout the Universe.

We’re getting woo-woo here, I know. But stick with me.

There is so much hatred in the world. There is so much sadness and heart-ache. These are low vibration emotions and energies, and they, like all emotions, have a spiraling effect, except these spiral downward.

Love, trust, and PEACE are all high vibration energies, and they too spiral, but they spiral upward.

That is why Martin Luther King, Jr. said “Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Because you can’t escape a low vibration emotion with other low vibration emotions.

This is the power of love. Love is the highest vibration emotion there is, which means it can pull any low energy emotion/energy upwards. You cannot hate and love at the same time. You cannot be scared and trust at the same time. You cannot be chaotic and peaceful at the same time.

The problem is that low vibration emotions and energies are harder to get out of on your own. Which is why I’m always attempting to SPREAD love. Sometimes it takes a little help to raise your vibration. However, it is not impossible to get out of on your own. Most of the time, YOU are the only one who can make the decision to rise.

While that explanation may be more woo-woo than you feel comfortable with, you just simply have to know that LOVE really is the answer to everything. If you think that it’s not, just trust me. It really, really is.

La Rae

Focus on Love.

So today is International Peace Day, and peace is something I have always believed in but could never achieve within myself.
There are so many lessons I have learned just even in  the past week that are leading me towards the path of peace, which I am so thankful for!
One major thing that has been helping me lately is this:
I am an empath, which means many times I take on the energy and emotions of others. I also was born to be a world-changer, but a world-changer cannot change the world if he or she is constantly drained from the sadness in the world. So I have been working very hard on actually NOT reading too much about the bad things that happen in the world because it doesn’t do any good to allow those bad things to break my heart. Instead, I am simply focusing on doing what I can to make the world a better place.
Maybe you think this is naive, but it is the only way I can function without completely shutting down. I can’t watch the news and be completely emotionally shattered. I can’t allow the sadness of the world to swallow me whole.
So if you find that you are completely heart-broken by the world….maybe it’s a good thing to take a break from watching the news and focus on love.
I pray that we can all find peace.
La Rae

What they don’t tell you about following your heart

My cute little VW Van shaped coffee mug is one joy of my mornings. It brings me so much happiness.

This morning I was filling my cup, desperately seeking joy from my coffee, when the wording on the inside of the mug hit me a little differently today.

“Follow Your Heart.”


It’s something I’ve always told myself + have recently had the chance to follow that advice down a very unsure path.

But this morning, after such a dark night, my inner voice said, “There is so much they don’t tell you about following your heart.”


When people say “Follow your heart!” in business or life, they are saying it to you once they’ve already made it out of the darkness that follows. They know they are out of it, so they can tout that joy.

People rarely say it when they are in the darkness. The darkness that is fear of not being able to pay your mortgage.

The fear of equipment breaking and not having money to replace it.

The fear that you can’t make it, that it could all slip away so easily and you will be fucked.

Yes. I rarely have dark nights of the soul. But I guess they wouldn’t be good for you if you got nothing out of them, no?

So today, I know there are some safety nets I need to put into place to make my darkness not seem so vast and frightening, so all-encompassing. I need to make those things a priority.

After all, the only person you have to take responsibility of your life, at the end of the day, is yourself.

La Rae

Clear + Electric

Breakthroughs do not come easily. 

They are so precious that they require a great deal of work. Messy work. Hard work.

This weekend, I had a bit of a breakdown, which ended up being soooooo good for me.

The past few days, I have such a sense of peace and clarity. I feel lighter.

I have been working with so many people who I would consider healers. Even the people in my life are healers. Pain and desperation are healers. All the things I have learned are coming together, along with my intuition, and I’m hearing my intuition so clearly it’s amazing.

Some things that have moved through me since this weekend are,

-It is safe for me to give myself what I need
-It is safe for me to care for myself
-It is safe for me to relax completely
-It is safe for me to let go of other people’s energy
-It is safe for me to let go of the extra weight I’m carrying.


There is something to the fact that I need permission, even from myself, to let go. There is something to the fact that I have to remind myself that it’s safe. I will definitely be exploring this deeper.

After feeling so shitty for so long, mmmmm life feels electric right now.

I am one of those girls.

Here’s a quick little happy post!

I love reading. I have ALWAYS loved reading. I haven’t made it enough of a priority in my life, despite being a part of a book club (LOL).

I’ve also been sooooo entrenched in self development that I am over it for a while, so I figured I’d get back into the fiction grind.

My favorite author is Sarah Addison Allen. I have read ALL of her books and wish she would write more! But alas, she has not, so I am left to find other authors that write similarly.

A friend of mine suggested Nora Roberts and I’m all like OH NO. Nora Roberts? Do I really want to be a person that reads Nora Roberts??

Well, I guess now I am! I looked through all of her books and picked one based on the titles.

The first book I picked up is Blue Dahlia, which is the first book in the series.

nora roberts blue dahlia

I have to say, this one did not disappoint. Sometimes us women just like our regular old romance. The story is sweet, it’s set in the South, and there is a ghost. What more could you need?

I finished it just in time, since it’s due back today! I will definitely be picking up the next book in the series, Black Rose!

What are you reading?

Thoughts on Wifehood


So many things are happening around me that it’s definitely hard to process.

I’ve been letting the sadness and loneliness really get to me.

I’ve been feeling so much guilt and shame.

I’ve been feeling so lost and disconnected from myself and from my husband.

I also know that there ARE things in my control, and I am allowed to change those things.

So here’s the low-down:

Throughout this dark period of our lives, we have really seen who our friends are. My husband’s friends come around a lot less, and definitely don’t really call to see how he is anymore. That’s fine, this path is not theirs, and it is definitely a hard one. But it does hurt and it does affect our dynamic.

I have been the only one around for the whole journey, and having someone depend on you emotionally and psychologically can be just down-right draining. On top of him not being physically capable of doing many things because of his injury, I have really had to give so much of myself. I am a total giver, and sometimes I don’t know a) when to ask for help and b) when to say no.

Of course, this is all part of the journey. There is always something to learn, and I am doing my best to be open to the lessons, even when I think those lessons are going to break me.

I have really been taking a good hard look at what it means to be a wife, from society’s perspective and my own.

I don’t have it all figured out-who does, really?

But the biggest thing I know is that one cannot give from an empty cup. Self-care is the most important way a person can continue being strong-for themselves and others.


Here are some ways I can help myself in the coming days and weeks:

  1. Clutter-there is so much clutter around the house that our energy is trapped. We have piles of items that we need to sell or get rid of. I can do myself a favor and get rid of those things.
  2. Unfinished projects: One of our rooms in particular is full of tile that will be used for our bathroom renovation. I could do myself a favor and just lay the tile.
  3. Laundry: Our laundry has definitely piled up. I definitely need to go through and get rid of clothes, and also perhaps do one load of laundry per day.
  4. Set specific office hours for my business so I’m not working on things all the time.
  5. Ask my husband to handle supper.
  6. Ask my mom to come help me with house work! My mom is retired and was previously my grandmother’s sole caregiver. My grandma recently passed away and I know it would be mutually beneficial if my mom came and helped me.
  7.  Spend time with friends-not just complaining about life, but doing something fun.

Here are the things I want to bring into my life more during this dark period:

  1. Allowing myself to feel beautiful-wearing clothes and makeup that I love
  2. Reading
  3. Yoga
  4. Walking/running
  5. Connecting with my husband
  6. Smiles and laughter

Along with these things, I think that developing a schedule will help. I usually don’t like schedules, but at least during this period of time, I feel like structure will definitely help!

What do you do for self-care?

(PC-Nicole Harnois Photography (top) + Sally Kleiss Timmer Photography (just me))