One month into the year of Sacred Sensuality, and it hasn’t exactly started out the way I had imagined.
So far, there has been a lot of grief.
-I thought I was over my body issues, but they came creeping back in. I listened to the rage and sadness as it bubbled up in my body, and I knew I had to move it through me through dancing. And it worked. I danced the rage out, and it led me back to sensuality.
-I had some pretty intense a-has around my birthday, as my birthday always stirs up sadness. My inner little La Rae had some feelings that hadn’t been acknowledged, and so I let her cry. This a-ha was tugged out of me through this song:
Perhaps you notice that the name of the song is “Open Wide,” and might remember that this is my mantra for 2018. The artist, Broadhurst, is married to Melissa Ambrossini, the author of the book Open Wide, where I got the idea to have this as my mantra.
-I also had a major a-ha around WOLVES. I shared on Instagram how WOLVES have been coming up a lot for me in the past 1.5 years, and I really feel like the wolf is my spirit animal. January’s full moon is called the Wolf Moon, and my birthday is in January, so I decided to look up what date the January 1989 full moon was on. Shockingly enough, I was born on the Wolf Full Moon in January 1989. This feels like an important piece to my story, and it felt amazing to feel so connected to the Moon.
-We lost our beloved dog, Chance. We knew it would be coming, but the day it actually came, we sobbed.
But everything does come back to sensuality. Because your emotions are part of sensuality.
-On a lighter note, I honored myself by having my own boudoir session. My body might not be perfect, but I loved myself through it. These images were taken by Ella Eve Photography in Cedar Falls, Iowa.
-We also started a major remodel of our great room. The previous owners put in this bamboo flooring in JUST the great room. The bedrooms had the original hardwoods, so we decided to remove the flooring and refinish the hardwoods.
Here is the bamboo flooring:
And here is the flooring underneath, prior to sanding:
And here is the flooring after being sanded:
We also repainted the walls from Driftwood Gray to Repose Gray by Sherwin Williams. Our great room doesn’t get a lot of direct natural light because the big windows face the north, so we went with something a little warmer and a little lighter. I am in love with this color because it really feels like a warm hug.
We both have been exploring what “home” feels like to us recently, and we knew it was time for a change. My husband Chris is taking an active role in helping make decisions because he, too, wants this house to feel like his home. Compromise isn’t easy, but I want us to both love it for as long as we are here. I will update you all once we get further in the process.
-I have journaled, but not every day.
-I have danced, but not every day.
-I did restorative yoga only once, but still, progress.
-I held my first women’s gathering, which was magical!
-I have taken LOTS of baths and read.
-I have slept in when my body needs it, and have woken up early when my body says rise.
-I have also NOT slept in when I needed it, and suffered.
-I have listened to some amazing podcasts.
-I have had some nourishing girl time.
-I have used my Moon Deck to navigate my month almost every day.
-I have been consciously cleaning and keeping up on housework much more.
-I have been attempting to make positive decisions around money.
And yet, I already feel like I’m failing. Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we forget all the things we DO and only think about the things we haven’t done? Letting go of perfectionism is HARD. But I keep on keeping on.
So, January had some positive moments, but was actually really hard. Praying that February will bring joy, lightness, playfulness, and delight!