Today something happened in me. A friend posted a song by one of my favorite bands when I was young, Evanescence.
It was a song from their new album, so I clicked and listened. It was a beautiful song. So I listened to another new song. Then another. Then another. Then an old song that they re-did played.
And I slowly began feeling really angry and depressed. I felt like I did back when I first would listen to that song. It was a really strange, startling feeling, so I turned it off.
Then I dinked around on YouTube and saw a podcast from a mentor and thought “Hmmm that looks really interesting! I need to listen!”
My craving to listen to this podcast got me thinking about some things……
The point of healing and rehabilitating yourself is to LIVE A FULL and JOYOUS life, whatever that means for you.
Sometimes, and for some people, living a full and joyous life as described above can be terrifying.
A problem that I have with my love of self-help and my love of learning is that I am not so great at practicing. The hard thing about self-help and learning is that eventually, you have learned all you can about a subject and then you have to face that you will actually have to finally put what you learned into practice.
Sometimes, healing becomes an addiction. We become enthralled with the healing process because we are afraid of BEING HEALED. Of finally not needing healing anymore. Because we are actually now scared of LIVING.
It’s hard to get out of a healing addiction, because on the outside, it looks productive. Reading books, journaling, crying it out, dealing with our demons, listening to podcasts, etc. But once we’ve hit a certain threshold, it’s no longer productive. It’s just the same devil, different mask. We are just using it as a crutch.
So today, I was transported back to how it felt before I began my healing journey, which made me feel awful. But something jolted me back into the reality of how far I have come. And it reminded me that I really need to start living that full, joyous life that I have been working so hard for.
Is this you? Do you do this like I do?
If so, this week, I’m going to give you a little assignment. GO OUT AND LIVE. What is something that you’ve been meaning to do, but haven’t? Go do it. How can you take care of yourself? What have you been denying yourself? Do it.
Breathe a sigh of relief knowing that you have come so far, and it has paid off. Don’t forget that your big, beautiful life is waiting for you to live it.
Sending you so much love this week <3
(pc: Nicole Harnois Photography 2015)