I talk a lot about following your dreams and how important it is to do so. I have followed plenty of dreams recently, but let me tell you, not all of them pan out.
Yes, even I have to deal with failure, sometimes. This happened to me recently, and it was heartbreaking.
Let me tell you about it….
If you didn’t know, I am a full time wedding photographer. I love weddings because I love LOVE. Love makes me giddy.
Another thing that makes me giddy is Victorian houses, and one in particular: the one I grew up in.
Long story short, after 25ish years of living in a gorgeous, yet run-down, Queen Anne Victorian house, my parents moved out. The house was in such disrepair that there was talks of a nearby non-profit purchasing the home and land, and tearing it down. By a stroke of luck, the city put a year-long ban on demolishing historic homes, which gave me time to think about how I could save the house that I loved so dearly.
My husband would NEVER let us move back to my hometown and live there, so I attempted to convince my dad to open up an antique shop there and I could also house my studio there.
He quickly vetoed that idea. Back to the drawing board.
One day I was driving down the road, and it hit me: I could buy the house, renovate it, and turn it into a boutique wedding venue. I divinely downloaded so much information about this venture: what it would look like, what I would call it, I even created a services package and marketing materials. I was in LOVE with this idea, and since I received the idea from a divine source, I thought for sure it would pan out.
But, the problem was, I couldn’t afford a second mortgage, so I came up with a very shaky business plan to take to my aunt, who actually has rights to the house, in order to become business partners.
I couldn’t offer much, but I was SURE it would all work out. After all, the Universe gave me the idea. That must mean something, right?
So, I went to my aunt to pitch the idea. I asked her to just think about it. Well, a few weeks later, she said that she would have to decline.
I was HEARTBROKEN, but yet, I still had hope. I could still figure out how to purchase the house outright.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to come up with a plan in time. As I was driving to my parents’ house to pick up the key for the house in order to use it for a photoshoot, my mom told me that it had been sold.
I was devasted. I walked around my home bawling for over and hour. That week, I cried myself to sleep a couple of nights because that was the last time I would be in MY HOUSE.
So, what do you do when you have to let go of a dream? What if a dream slips through your hands without ever coming into fruition, as it did to me?
I guess this is another instance where I am able to use lessons that I’ve been learning for the past few years: courage, trust, and receiving.
For the hour that I was bawling in my house, I was angry at the Universe. WHY did I ever have this dream put into my heart? WHY give me all that inspiration when it wasn’t meant to be? WHY did it have to turn out this way?
I cried and cried. I relived so many childhood memories and felt so much sadness for what I wanted to do but couldn’t. But then, of course, I knew that this was another lesson and that I was meant to use this lesson to help others.
And whatever is meant for you will not pass you. So, then, I knew that this dream simply wasn’t meant to come true. The Universe has other plans for me.
So, I employed tools that have helped me the past 2 years: letting myself feel my emotions, breathing into the uncertainty, and trusting that everything is happening as it should.
Were you expecting some revolutionary list? I’m sorry to disappoint you there. But really, trust is the biggest tool I have ever learned, and I am sure it will continue to guide me throughout my life. I am currently trusting that this dream that I had to let go of is pointing me in the direction that I actually need to go. I will share more of that dream when the time comes.