Thoughts on Wifehood

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So many things are happening around me that it’s definitely hard to process.

I’ve been letting the sadness and loneliness really get to me.

I’ve been feeling so much guilt and shame.

I’ve been feeling so lost and disconnected from myself and from my husband.

I also know that there ARE things in my control, and I am allowed to change those things.

So here’s the low-down:

Throughout this dark period of our lives, we have really seen who our friends are. My husband’s friends come around a lot less, and definitely don’t really call to see how he is anymore. That’s fine, this path is not theirs, and it is definitely a hard one. But it does hurt and it does affect our dynamic.

I have been the only one around for the whole journey, and having someone depend on you emotionally and psychologically can be just down-right draining. On top of him not being physically capable of doing many things because of his injury, I have really had to give so much of myself. I am a total giver, and sometimes I don’t know a) when to ask for help and b) when to say no.

Of course, this is all part of the journey. There is always something to learn, and I am doing my best to be open to the lessons, even when I think those lessons are going to break me.

I have really been taking a good hard look at what it means to be a wife, from society’s perspective and my own.

I don’t have it all figured out-who does, really?

But the biggest thing I know is that one cannot give from an empty cup. Self-care is the most important way a person can continue being strong-for themselves and others.

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Here are some ways I can help myself in the coming days and weeks:

  1. Clutter-there is so much clutter around the house that our energy is trapped. We have piles of items that we need to sell or get rid of. I can do myself a favor and get rid of those things.
  2. Unfinished projects: One of our rooms in particular is full of tile that will be used for our bathroom renovation. I could do myself a favor and just lay the tile.
  3. Laundry: Our laundry has definitely piled up. I definitely need to go through and get rid of clothes, and also perhaps do one load of laundry per day.
  4. Set specific office hours for my business so I’m not working on things all the time.
  5. Ask my husband to handle supper.
  6. Ask my mom to come help me with house work! My mom is retired and was previously my grandmother’s sole caregiver. My grandma recently passed away and I know it would be mutually beneficial if my mom came and helped me.
  7.  Spend time with friends-not just complaining about life, but doing something fun.

Here are the things I want to bring into my life more during this dark period:

  1. Allowing myself to feel beautiful-wearing clothes and makeup that I love
  2. Reading
  3. Yoga
  4. Walking/running
  5. Connecting with my husband
  6. Smiles and laughter

Along with these things, I think that developing a schedule will help. I usually don’t like schedules, but at least during this period of time, I feel like structure will definitely help!

What do you do for self-care?

(PC-Nicole Harnois Photography (top) + Sally Kleiss Timmer Photography (just me))

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